Last year, we all found ourselves changing course in our grappling progression; sooner than even imagined. I had just competed in my blue belt for the first time when training facilities were forced to close their doors a few weeks later.

When I meticulously drafted my plans for 2020; including competitions I hoped to enter, seminars I would travel to, and nutrition and strength-building programs I would follow to meet those goals… I expected to hit some bumps in the road. But the challenges I anticipated coming across were far more manageable–balancing my workload, nursing injuries, maintaining focus during practice. I’ve juggled a packed schedule since I began BJJ, come back from a broken finger and a car accident with as little down-time as possible, and was journaling my training sessions to retain more of my lessons.

The Pandemic of No Return?

What made the year of 2020 so uniquely challenging among the many roadblocks we face as grapplers, was the uncertainty of a return to normal. Not being able to refer to a timeline that we could put our finger on to reassure us that, ‘once we get past this point… we will be fine’. Suddenly I wasn’t worried about the next time I’d see myself on a tournament podium or trekking to a seminar hosted by some BJJ icon. All I could think about was how the joy I felt on the mat was ripped away and replaced with anxiety over each errant cough and the isolation of working from home, studying from home, and finding a way to stay active within my apartment walls.

I learned important lessons about grappling in 2020. If it wasn’t clear before, the pandemic made us all acutely aware of the things we cherished most… as well as what we could easily live without. It turned out my fire for jiu jitsu wasn’t just a force of habit. I craved every training opportunity, despite the many modifications needed to reduce risk of exposure to the virus. Backyard training sessions became one of my favorite summer activities–following video tutorials before slipping around on taped-up gym mats, narrowly avoiding submissions, bug bites, and sundown. When academies reopened, I quickly learned that BJJ with a mask on wasn’t so bad after you took the time to get used to it. 

However, it seemed the overarching jiu jitsu culture disagreed with my sentiments–I nearly rolled my eyes out of their sockets at the flurry of social media activity each day that dominated martial arts culture; invalidating scientific expertise on COVID-19 and declaring jiu jitsu athletes and businesses as the sole casualties of the pandemic response. While I discovered the extent of my enthusiasm for the sport during this time; I unexpectedly stumbled upon the shadow side of jiu jitsu I had never felt the need to address head-on before. The idolization of athletes and coaches, the money-making tactics veiled by pitches of ‘team loyalty’, the continual deprivation of nurturing environments for female grapplers to grow in. To say it simply; my heart loved grappling, but my mind began to recoil at the context in which I practiced the art.

Going My Own Way

As I tried to reconcile these emotions with my intended practices–I negotiated my desires for a future in this sport. My vision is sewn from entirely different material than before; instead of belts, medals, and titles I now seek joy, longevity, and confidence. When it comes to manifesting this–how does that translate into measurable, specific goals that can move me forward as a martial artist?

For the year of 2021, I strive to go into my training knowing that I only have control over my own actions. I determine my success–and I determine my satisfaction. I have the rest of my life to master this art–but only if I let myself train for the rest of my life.

2021 Grappling Goals

• 6 BJJ or Judo training sessions per week–whether at class or at home via technique study
• Compete in Judo for the first time
• Develop a positive mantra for each training session
• Surpass fundraising achievement for Tap Cancer Out

& some other goals for 2021

• Maintain this blog!
• Complete 4 design courses
• Advance to snowboarding on blue runs

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How did you adapt your vision for 2020? Are you shifting your goal-setting process for 2021?